Tuesday, September 13, 2016

God has been at work!

Goodness!  It has been quite some time since I have had a chance to write!  Let me just tell you, God has been at work!  Just a brief overview of all that is going on with more details & pictures to come later....
  • I moved into my own place in April
  • I am now teaching yoga THREE times a week
  • I got the most precious dog
  • I celebrated a year of employment at Samaritan Counseling Center
  • I turned 31
  • I started my journey as a Plexus ambassador
  • I met someone pretty special
  • I am in RECOVERY from that stupid eating disorder, anxiety & depression!
God has been at work!  Life couldn't be better and I couldn't be happier!  I feel so undeserving, but this life that I am living fully and experiencing daily is something I have dreamed about and prayed for, for a very long time!  Hold on to hope!  He has it for you as well!


.....more details to come.....


Wednesday, March 9, 2016

A Place of my Own

Ever since I had this recent set back and 'come to Jesus' meeting with my parents, sponsor and treatment team I have been thinking about moving out on my own, but didn't know how I would afford it; (another thing I would like to mention is, part of my desire to move out is that fact that my parents will be moving to Lake Palestine in the near future and that is quite a drive to and from work, meetings and all my appointments).   Well last Thursday one of my friends messaged me on Facebook and said she felt the Lord pressing on her heart during meditation time in our yoga class of mine that she comes to, to tell me about an opportunity.  Anyway she went on to tell me that a friend of ours has a small rental house behind her house in the azalea district that has come available for rent.  Perfect size, location (downtown 5 min from work and where I teach yoga), all bills paid with a washer & dryer.  I went to go see it and got the application and immediately talked to my sponsor.  She was behind me a 100%!  I shared the opportunity with several other people that I am close to, my brother and close friends who all said 'you have to do this!'... I was hesitant to tell my parents because of my recent slip, but went to the Lord about the opportunity and really felt like God was leading me to do this, so I finally gathered the courage Sunday and talked to them.  They were all for it!  So we went and looked at it Sunday afternoon and I gave the renter my application and continued to pray, leaving it in God's hands.  Monday I got a text from the renter saying I was approved, but I had yet to talk to my treatment team (dietician and counselor) about the opportunity.  I emailed them, but both wanted to talk to me in person about my decision...

I met with my dietician Tuesday evening and she was not at all supportive of my hope to move out on my own.  She said am in a very vulnerable place right now after my recent set back and saw this as my eating disorder trying to manipulate things and creep back in.  My session with her was very hard, and quite disappointing.  After having had worked with her for over 4 years I really hoped she would support my desire to live on my own, but she didn't... To be honest her response hurt.  I have the support of ALL my friends and family, but to not have her support was really disappointing... but I am determined to prove her wrong!!!!  

Here is the thing...I feel highly motivated to do what I need to for my recovery and I know that even though it's nice and comfortable to have my parents there I can't rely on them forever.  I am 30 years old and its time for me to take responsibility and do this for myself.  I have gotten a glimpse over the last couple of weeks of what it feels like to walk free from the eating disorder (restricting and over-exercising) and it feels so good and makes me want to fight even harder to not slip back.  Money will be tight, but I feel like this will give me a boost of confidence to really take control of my life and my recovery, plus I have tons of people on my side rooting for me and I know you all will kick my butt if I choose to fall back into eating disorder behaviors.

Please pray for me as I embark on this next chapter of my life and always know that I appreciate your unconditional love and support that you so graciously give!




Wednesday, February 17, 2016

The Truth Will Set you Free...

"...and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”  John 8:32
(WARNING: THIS MAY BE TRIGGERING...)
So I need to be honest... over the past few weeks as I have started working the 12 steps with a sponsor again as well as working through a great Bible study about the Armor of God I have come to realize I am not really as free from my eating disorder as I would like to be or like people to think....

What really got me thinking was when I saw my dietitian last week she was very concerned about the amount of weight I had lost over such a short period of time.  This raised concern for me too, because I knew I couldn't keep making the choices I have been making and not continue to lose weight and get away with it.  The guilt of living with these lies is getting to 
me and I know I have GOT TO BE HONEST!
                                         

So after much thought and prayer I have decided to come clean.  Here is what is going on in a nut shell....  I have been engaging in a compulsive amount of exercise and restricting a fair amount of my food intake.  This has been going on for at least half a year and has gradually gotten worse over time.  I know if I don't put a stop to it now things are going to spiral even more out of control and there will be major consequences.

Please pray for me as I step out in faith to come clean with the truth and allow God's mercy and grace to wash over me and my sins as well as pray for me to have the courage to make the much needed changes.  And forgive me for lying to you about how I am really doing.  I was doing so well and then the eating disorder crept it's way back into my life.  I know God has so much more for me than to live a life in bondage and freedom is possible..."the thief comes to steal, kill and destroy, but I have come that you may have life, abundant life!"  John 10:10.

"You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it."

Thursday, February 11, 2016

Scared

So I have to admit something.... I'm scared.  Of what, you ask?  The cookie cake I was having nightly.

You see I quit having it about a month ago.  Why? Well, I wanted to have something different one night and for some crazy reason I thought that even though my dietitian told me I wasn't gaining weight by having it that I really was... silly, I know.  I was doing so good with it.  But I don't have it one night and then that carries over into every night of the entire month.  I have it, ready and waiting in portions in the fridge, and think about it every time I gaze in there, but do I do anything about it? NOOOOO!

All I know to do is pray, put on my big girl panties and do it a couple times and see that I will survive.  Please pray with me as I try and conquer this fear that I desperately want overcome.


Friday, January 29, 2016

Changes to 360 Fitness Yoga Schedule

Hi friends!

Just wanted to give you a quick update of some changes with the yoga schedule that we are going to be implementing at 360 Fitness starting the first week in February... NEXT WEEK!

So here is the run down...

Monday evenings at 6:30pm will stay the same.

Here is the change...

Starting Wednesday February 3 we will no longer be having the 6am class.  We are moving the class to 5am on Thursdays with the potential to add Tuesdays as well.

So mark your calendars...

Starting Wednesday February 3 there no more 6am class, but there will be a 5am class on Thursday February 4.


Friday, December 18, 2015

4 YEARS!!!

Today, December 18, 2015, marks FOUR YEARS that I have been in recovery!  WOW!  God is SO GOOD!  I can't believe it's been FOUR FULL YEARS since I decided to choose LIFE and enjoy this ride of life for GOOD!  

2011 got really rough for me and my eating disorder, you see, I managed to practically half my body weight and I was walking around trying to live life in the body of a skeleton, constantly afraid that I was going to die.  I finally decided to do something about it in December after I stepped on the scale and saw just how LOW my weight had gotten.  I was living in Denton, had just graduated from college and was working for a Senior Living home and made the tough decision to resign from of job and check myself into the hospital for treatment.  Because I was teetering on the brink of death I had to be admitted to the medical floor to make sure I wasn't going to die on them once I was placed in the psychiatric unit and the eating disorder program.   I was able to prove that I was in stable enough condition, despite my weight, to move into the psychic unit to start working on my eating issues the following day, December 18, 2011, the day I started the eating disorder program and chose LIFE.  I knew deep down, after years in and out out treatment, that this time HAD to be DIFFERENT...

....And, praise God, things have been very different!!!  Don't get me wrong, things have been challenging at times, but luckily with the help of:

  • GOD
  • Prayer
  • Accountability
  • My family
  • 12- step meetings
  • Working the 12-steps
  • My awesome dietitian, Sara Upson
... I have managed to restore my life!

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Challenge

"We don't grow when things are easy; 
We grow when we face challenges."

So I have debated back and forth about even sharing this because I didn't want to be judged or sadly, that people wouldn't think that I have an eating disorder anymore... (sadly I still struggle to let go of that identity).  So I am sharing this in spite of my eating disorder!

So here it goes... my dietitian requests that I do weekly or at the very least bi-weekly challenges with foods that are difficult for me to make them less difficult.  Well this is exactly what it's called, CHALLENGING!  But with time and consistency I have faced many fears. Including....



My most recent challenge has been cookie cake.  I had it at my birthday for the first time in quite a while and just about died because it was so good.  Well the desire for cookie cake has haunted me ever since I had it for my birthday.  So a couple of times I have picked up a slice and had it.  Well, about a month ago I had for the first time in a while again and thought, "WOW, I wish I could do this more often!" I shared this with my dietitian and she encouraged me to leave my appointment and go straight to get me a slice of cake before I left for my trip to Pennsylvania.  I failed to accomplish this, but managed to have my mom pick me up a slice for when I got home.  Let me tell you I thought about that darn cookie cake the entire time I was on my trip! HA!  (Crazy, I know!)

Well the following day I decided I was going to take a HUGE leap of faith and buy a whole cookie cake, cut it up in portions and have some for my nightly snack.  Ladies and gentleman let me tell you, for the last month or so I have had cookie cake at least 3-5 nights week.  About a week into doing this I totally freaked out and thought it was FOR SURE causing weight gain, but guess what???  When I saw my dietitian I had not in fact gained the weight I thought I had!!! WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT!?!?!  I really can have things that I enjoy and them not cause weight gain!  I really can enjoy the ride of life by having treats and having them more than once a week!


)Pictured below is the cake I  bought and had a portion of each night... I think the message is  appropriate considering the situation. )


Jesus Calling December 9
"Be willing to go out on a limb with Me. If that is where I am leading you, it is the safest place to be. Your desire to live a risk-free life is a form of unbelief. Your longing to live close to Me is at odds with your attempts to minimize risk. You are approaching a crossroads in your journey. In order to follow Me wholeheartedly, you must relinquish your tendency to play it safe. 
Let Me lead you step by step through this day. If your primary focus is on Me, you can walk along perilous paths without being afraid. Eventually, you will learn to relax and enjoy the adventure of our journey together. As long as you stay close to Me, My sovereign Presence protects you wherever you go."