Friday, October 9, 2009

What I get out of my Eating Disorder (ED)...

There is a reason we do the things we do... exercise, studying, drinking, dieting, getting into unhealthy relationships, lying, sleeping, smoking, shopping, ect. We continue acting on a particular thing because we get something out of it, some sort of payoff or reward. To recognize why you participate in these actions, or what your motivation is for continuing to hang on to a certain habit (whether positive/negative) in your life its important to evaluate what you get out of the behavior you're participating in. For example: I study because I make better grades.

So the question is, what do I get out of my ED???
(Please read in a non-judgemental way, this is extremely honest)
  • security
  • control
  • keeps me at arms length in friendships/relationship so I dont get hurt emotionally or sexually
  • people dont expect as much from me when I'm struggling
  • keeps me small so guys arent sexually attracted to me
  • occupies my mind when I dont want to deal with my emotions
  • I use it as an excuse to get out of uncomfortable situations that Im too scared to face honestly
  • I feel like I dont know what I am without it (its all I have known for a long time)
  • self-sabatoge
  • self punishment for past sins
  • its my voice
  • feel anxious/out of control without it
  • keeps me somewhat needy/dependent on my parents
  • keeps me from having to completely grow up
From my list I can obviously conclude that continuing to participate in my ED is not a healthy thing, but self destructive in many ways. My motivation for my ED is based on past fears, hurts or lies that I must face & deal with appropriately.

Besides the obvious physical toll ED takes on my body, its self destructive in many other ways as well. It steals:
  • God
  • time
  • friends
  • money
  • feelings
  • maturity
  • peace of mind
  • family
  • opportunities
  • jobs
  • boyfriends
  • enjoyment/fulfillment
  • assertiveness
  • self esteem
  • hope
  • hobbies
"The thief comes only to
steal, kill & destroy;
I came that they may have life &
have it abundantly."
John 10:10

Evaluate the things that you do... what you are getting out of them & whether or not these pieces of you life are stealing from you or adding something positive in shaping you in becoming more fully who Christ made you to be!


Post a Comment