Friday, December 18, 2015

4 YEARS!!!

Today, December 18, 2015, marks FOUR YEARS that I have been in recovery!  WOW!  God is SO GOOD!  I can't believe it's been FOUR FULL YEARS since I decided to choose LIFE and enjoy this ride of life for GOOD!  

2011 got really rough for me and my eating disorder, you see, I managed to practically half my body weight and I was walking around trying to live life in the body of a skeleton, constantly afraid that I was going to die.  I finally decided to do something about it in December after I stepped on the scale and saw just how LOW my weight had gotten.  I was living in Denton, had just graduated from college and was working for a Senior Living home and made the tough decision to resign from of job and check myself into the hospital for treatment.  Because I was teetering on the brink of death I had to be admitted to the medical floor to make sure I wasn't going to die on them once I was placed in the psychiatric unit and the eating disorder program.   I was able to prove that I was in stable enough condition, despite my weight, to move into the psychic unit to start working on my eating issues the following day, December 18, 2011, the day I started the eating disorder program and chose LIFE.  I knew deep down, after years in and out out treatment, that this time HAD to be DIFFERENT...

....And, praise God, things have been very different!!!  Don't get me wrong, things have been challenging at times, but luckily with the help of:

  • GOD
  • Prayer
  • Accountability
  • My family
  • 12- step meetings
  • Working the 12-steps
  • My awesome dietitian, Sara Upson
... I have managed to restore my life!

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Challenge

"We don't grow when things are easy; 
We grow when we face challenges."

So I have debated back and forth about even sharing this because I didn't want to be judged or sadly, that people wouldn't think that I have an eating disorder anymore... (sadly I still struggle to let go of that identity).  So I am sharing this in spite of my eating disorder!

So here it goes... my dietitian requests that I do weekly or at the very least bi-weekly challenges with foods that are difficult for me to make them less difficult.  Well this is exactly what it's called, CHALLENGING!  But with time and consistency I have faced many fears. Including....



My most recent challenge has been cookie cake.  I had it at my birthday for the first time in quite a while and just about died because it was so good.  Well the desire for cookie cake has haunted me ever since I had it for my birthday.  So a couple of times I have picked up a slice and had it.  Well, about a month ago I had for the first time in a while again and thought, "WOW, I wish I could do this more often!" I shared this with my dietitian and she encouraged me to leave my appointment and go straight to get me a slice of cake before I left for my trip to Pennsylvania.  I failed to accomplish this, but managed to have my mom pick me up a slice for when I got home.  Let me tell you I thought about that darn cookie cake the entire time I was on my trip! HA!  (Crazy, I know!)

Well the following day I decided I was going to take a HUGE leap of faith and buy a whole cookie cake, cut it up in portions and have some for my nightly snack.  Ladies and gentleman let me tell you, for the last month or so I have had cookie cake at least 3-5 nights week.  About a week into doing this I totally freaked out and thought it was FOR SURE causing weight gain, but guess what???  When I saw my dietitian I had not in fact gained the weight I thought I had!!! WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT!?!?!  I really can have things that I enjoy and them not cause weight gain!  I really can enjoy the ride of life by having treats and having them more than once a week!


)Pictured below is the cake I  bought and had a portion of each night... I think the message is  appropriate considering the situation. )


Jesus Calling December 9
"Be willing to go out on a limb with Me. If that is where I am leading you, it is the safest place to be. Your desire to live a risk-free life is a form of unbelief. Your longing to live close to Me is at odds with your attempts to minimize risk. You are approaching a crossroads in your journey. In order to follow Me wholeheartedly, you must relinquish your tendency to play it safe. 
Let Me lead you step by step through this day. If your primary focus is on Me, you can walk along perilous paths without being afraid. Eventually, you will learn to relax and enjoy the adventure of our journey together. As long as you stay close to Me, My sovereign Presence protects you wherever you go."  



Thursday, December 10, 2015

The Strength in Letting Go

"The funny part about my eating disorder is that it tricked me into thinking that I was the strong one. that I had all the power. That restricting, controlling, and denying myself made me stronger. The harsh reality was, my eating disorder had all of the power, and I had none. It silently ruled my world, dictating my every move and breathing hot breaths of guilt, shame, and fear into my soul."

The Strength in Letting Go...


Wow!  I can really relate to this article written by Huffington Post... as my 4 year anniversary of freedom from my eating disorder creeps up on me I find myself struggling more than I would like to be with this much time under my belt...  Reading this reminds me that I need to let go of what was and accept my new identity as a woman who has been freed from a deadly eating disorder.  Please pray for me as I continue to walk this journey of recovery.  

This is another good read that is so timely considering how I am feeling right now...
Jesus Calling December 10 
"Make Me the focal point of your search for security. In your private thoughts, you are still trying to order your world so that it is predictable and feels safe. Not only is this an impossible goal, but it is also counterproductive to spiritual growth. When your private world feels unsteady and you grip My hand for support, you are living in conscious dependence on Me." 
"Instead of yearning for a problem-free life, rejoice that trouble can highlight your awareness of My Presence. In the darkness of adversity, you are able to see more clearly the radiance of My Face. Accept the value of problems in this life, considering them pure joy.Remember that you have an eternity of trouble-free living awaiting you in heaven."
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
—Isaiah 41:10
 
Even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
—Psalm 139:10
 
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds.
—James 1:2

Thursday, December 3, 2015

A Public Service Announcement regarding Yoga @ 360 Fitness

Just wanted to make a Public Service Announcement....

360 Fitness will be offering, for a limited time, a $35 a month unlimited 
Yoga Membership.

Classes are as follows:


"Honor yourself, Honor your body... Nameste."

Friday, November 20, 2015

Yoga at 360

YOGA @ 360 FITNESS
with Meagan Vrba

Mondays: 6:30PM

Wednesdays: 6:00AM

First classes: Monday November 30 &
 Wednesday December 2

(If you are interested in dropping in for a class let me know & I will get you set up with a guest pass!)

"Honor the light, the love, the truth, the beauty & the peace

 within you..."



Friday, November 13, 2015

"When God?"


I've tried dating in recent months and just haven't had much luck.  It seems as though every guy has one agenda and that agenda, sadly, is not to put God first and honor and pursue the woman he is dating.  I want a true southern gentleman on fire for God and who has to chase after God to get to me
"A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just
to find her.".
As I'm surrounded by friends getting married, having babies or better yet have been married for years now and have several babies under their belts and yet and I don't even have any prospects on the horizon of potential mates... This question, "when God?" is constantly running through my mind... "When God will it be my turn to get married and have kiddos of my own?" "Why am I now 30 and still single?"  "Why them and not me?"

We live in a world where we celebrate every milestone in our lives... birthdays, graduations, weddings, babies, ect.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE to be a part of these special occasions, but sometimes when all these things are happening to everyone else and not yourself you kinda feel alone and forgotten about... or at least I do.  I try to review and be grateful for all the ways God is working in my own life, but sometimes I get blinded by the things that aren't happening (like marriage & babies).  It's just the truth of the matter and is something I am constantly having to pray about and hand over to God, and trust deep down that in His perfect timing ALL things will work out for the good,  I just have to let go and trust He knows what's best for me and my life journey.


Can I ask for your prayers?  Prayers for the single guys and girls... for us and our future soul-mates.   That God would shape and mold us into the people He needs us to be so that we are equipped to love, honor and cherish whoever that special someone is that he has in store for us and that we would patiently await those special gifts of matrimony and kids... the deep desires of our single hearts.

Friday, November 6, 2015

Pennsylvania

So are you curious why the word Pennsylvania popped up?  Well folks, I took a trip there to see one of my best friends and Mercy sisters get hitched!  That’s right!  I went all the way to Pennsylvania to be a part of the special day and it couldn’t have worked out more than perfect!  Here’s how it all played out…

So I took off Thursday October 1 and used the day to pack and get ready, then I went to get a pedicure before I left for Dallas because my flight left early Friday morning.  My friend Jeanette was gracious enough to offer me a free place to stay for the night along with a ride to and from the airport.  This was a HUGE blessing.  Thursday night Jeanette and I spent time visiting over dinner at a new favorite place of mine called Black Walnut Cafe and then we headed to bed pretty early so that we could get up and head to the airport. 

Friday morning I flew to Pennsylvania!  I arrived at 2:30 to a cold and wet Pennsylvania.  Kalissa and her mom picked me up.  I was so grateful that it worked out for Kalissa to come to the airport to get me because we were able to spend a good bit of time visiting on the way back to her place before the rehearsal.  Once we got to her place we quickly changed and headed over to the church.  The rehearsal lasted about an hour and then we had a yummy dinner that the groom’s mom prepared.  After the rehearsal we ran to Walmart to get me the groceries I would need for breakfast and snack while I was there.  Then it was time to go to Kalissa’s future home, where her and her husband Brandon were going to live, a FREE place for me to stay!  She handed me the keys to one of their vehicles so I didn’t have to worry about transportation so that I could get to the wedding at 3 the following day.


REUNITED!!!
Rehearsal

Post-Rehearsal Pic 


Saturday I slept in and boy was it nice!  It was a cold and dreary day, but luckily the rain had stopped.  I took my time getting ready and left for the wedding about 1pm because I wasn’t sure where to go and how long it would take me to get there.  I arrived about 2:15 and just waited in my car before guests started trickling in. 

Before the Wedding


 3:00 rolled around and the wedding started!  The groomsmen wore grey button downs and black vests and the bridesmaids wore different black dresses with pink converse.  So simple.  Kalissa was glowing in her wedding gown and beaming from ear to ear as she was escorted down the aisle to her groom. 

"Here comes the BRIDE!!!"

VOWS

 A message was spoken, personally written vows and rings were exchanged and before I knew it there stood a married Kalissa Grace Blank in front of me!!!

"You may KISS the BRIDE!!!"

Meet the BLANKS!

After the wedding, guests headed over to a barn where the reception was held.  It was pretty cold, but could have been worse.  I mingled with guests and then a yummy dinner was served along with Amish desserts and wedding cake.  Kalissa and Brandon also had their first and only dance.

FIRST DANCE

The reception started to wind down about 7:30 and Kalissa and Brandon got ready to head to the airport.  They let me follow them back to where I was staying so that I wouldn’t get lost and then Kalissa and I said our goodbyes before the newlyweds headed to a hotel for the night before they left for their honeymoon the next morning. 

Sending off my girl!  CONGRATS!!!

The next morning Kalissa was gracious enough to coordinate for a friend of hers to take me to the airport.  She picked me about about 10 for a flight that was supposed to be at 1:40.  Once I got checked in to airport and settled the delayed my flight an hour, then two hours and then THREE HOURS!  I was so annoyed and bored.  I did a lot of wondering around the airport.  Luckily I got into Dallas about 7:30 and Jeanette and I went back to the cafĂ© we ate at Thursday night because I liked it so much.  After dinner I drove back to Tyler.  I got in about 11pm and luckily I had taken off the following day.

All in all it was a great trip!  Short, but totally worth every minute!  I was honored and blessed to have gotten to attend and take part in Kalissa’s special day and enjoy this ride of life!

Sunday, October 25, 2015

THIRTY!!!


So guess what else happened this year?!?!  I turned THIRTY!!!! Yep!  The BIG 3-0!!! Not something that I have been looking forward to but on June 29, 2015 it happened and honestly it hasn’t been that bad.  It was all pretty special.  Here are the details….

Saturday the 27th my lovely God-mother drove in from Shreveport to see me and take my brother and I to lunch while my parents stayed back and got ready for my Fiesta themed party that took place later that evening.  Connor, Robbyn, her friend and I went to one of my favorite places, Cotton Patch and were able to spend some good quality time together.  After lunch we went home and visited a little longer before Robbyn had to get back on the rode to head home and for us to finish getting things ready for the party.

 My Beautiful God-Mother




The party was to start at 6:30 and to be held outside and there was a chance of rain and sure enough, right around 5:30, before we decided to put the table clothes and Mexican blankets on the tables it started pouring!  It lasted about 20 minutes and praise the Lord it passed!  We dried everything off and finished the details and before long guests started to arrive.  I invited about 30 people and I would say about half of them made it.  It was so much fun!  We ate yummy Mexican food, visited, opened gifts and had another favorite of mine, cookie cake.

FIESTA DECOR










THE FESTIVITIES

Birthday Crew

Meagan & Beth

Meagan, Jan & Susan

 Meagan & Vanessa

 Meagan & Sarah 

Meagan & Hilary

Meagan & Momma!

"Happy birthday!!!"

Sunday the 28th mom and I drove to Dallas to meet up with my Aunt Teri and see Dirty Dancing at Music Hall of Fair Park.  It was so good and a lot of fun!!




 Then Monday the 29th, my actual birthday we met up with two of my bestest friends Jeanette and Beth in Dallas for brunch before we headed home.

BFF's

Mom & me with Jeanette


One of the most important women in my life



Cool kid Cason!

I hold them near & dear to my heart!

Made a pit-stop at Buc-ee's on the way home :) 

All in all my 30th was great!  It was wonderful to spend time with all the people that have meant so much to me in my life and my recovery.  I am truly grateful for the friends and family God has blessed me with.  I wouldn’t trade any of them for the world!  Here's to enjoying the ride for the next 30 plus years!