Friday, December 18, 2015

4 YEARS!!!

Today, December 18, 2015, marks FOUR YEARS that I have been in recovery!  WOW!  God is SO GOOD!  I can't believe it's been FOUR FULL YEARS since I decided to choose LIFE and enjoy this ride of life for GOOD!  

2011 got really rough for me and my eating disorder, you see, I managed to practically half my body weight and I was walking around trying to live life in the body of a skeleton, constantly afraid that I was going to die.  I finally decided to do something about it in December after I stepped on the scale and saw just how LOW my weight had gotten.  I was living in Denton, had just graduated from college and was working for a Senior Living home and made the tough decision to resign from of job and check myself into the hospital for treatment.  Because I was teetering on the brink of death I had to be admitted to the medical floor to make sure I wasn't going to die on them once I was placed in the psychiatric unit and the eating disorder program.   I was able to prove that I was in stable enough condition, despite my weight, to move into the psychic unit to start working on my eating issues the following day, December 18, 2011, the day I started the eating disorder program and chose LIFE.  I knew deep down, after years in and out out treatment, that this time HAD to be DIFFERENT...

....And, praise God, things have been very different!!!  Don't get me wrong, things have been challenging at times, but luckily with the help of:

  • GOD
  • Prayer
  • Accountability
  • My family
  • 12- step meetings
  • Working the 12-steps
  • My awesome dietitian, Sara Upson
... I have managed to restore my life!

Tuesday, December 15, 2015


"We don't grow when things are easy; 
We grow when we face challenges."

So I have debated back and forth about even sharing this because I didn't want to be judged or sadly, that people wouldn't think that I have an eating disorder anymore... (sadly I still struggle to let go of that identity).  So I am sharing this in spite of my eating disorder!

So here it goes... my dietitian requests that I do weekly or at the very least bi-weekly challenges with foods that are difficult for me to make them less difficult.  Well this is exactly what it's called, CHALLENGING!  But with time and consistency I have faced many fears. Including....

My most recent challenge has been cookie cake.  I had it at my birthday for the first time in quite a while and just about died because it was so good.  Well the desire for cookie cake has haunted me ever since I had it for my birthday.  So a couple of times I have picked up a slice and had it.  Well, about a month ago I had for the first time in a while again and thought, "WOW, I wish I could do this more often!" I shared this with my dietitian and she encouraged me to leave my appointment and go straight to get me a slice of cake before I left for my trip to Pennsylvania.  I failed to accomplish this, but managed to have my mom pick me up a slice for when I got home.  Let me tell you I thought about that darn cookie cake the entire time I was on my trip! HA!  (Crazy, I know!)

Well the following day I decided I was going to take a HUGE leap of faith and buy a whole cookie cake, cut it up in portions and have some for my nightly snack.  Ladies and gentleman let me tell you, for the last month or so I have had cookie cake at least 3-5 nights week.  About a week into doing this I totally freaked out and thought it was FOR SURE causing weight gain, but guess what???  When I saw my dietitian I had not in fact gained the weight I thought I had!!! WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT!?!?!  I really can have things that I enjoy and them not cause weight gain!  I really can enjoy the ride of life by having treats and having them more than once a week!

)Pictured below is the cake I  bought and had a portion of each night... I think the message is  appropriate considering the situation. )

Jesus Calling December 9
"Be willing to go out on a limb with Me. If that is where I am leading you, it is the safest place to be. Your desire to live a risk-free life is a form of unbelief. Your longing to live close to Me is at odds with your attempts to minimize risk. You are approaching a crossroads in your journey. In order to follow Me wholeheartedly, you must relinquish your tendency to play it safe. 
Let Me lead you step by step through this day. If your primary focus is on Me, you can walk along perilous paths without being afraid. Eventually, you will learn to relax and enjoy the adventure of our journey together. As long as you stay close to Me, My sovereign Presence protects you wherever you go."  

Thursday, December 10, 2015

The Strength in Letting Go

"The funny part about my eating disorder is that it tricked me into thinking that I was the strong one. that I had all the power. That restricting, controlling, and denying myself made me stronger. The harsh reality was, my eating disorder had all of the power, and I had none. It silently ruled my world, dictating my every move and breathing hot breaths of guilt, shame, and fear into my soul."

The Strength in Letting Go...

Wow!  I can really relate to this article written by Huffington Post... as my 4 year anniversary of freedom from my eating disorder creeps up on me I find myself struggling more than I would like to be with this much time under my belt...  Reading this reminds me that I need to let go of what was and accept my new identity as a woman who has been freed from a deadly eating disorder.  Please pray for me as I continue to walk this journey of recovery.  

This is another good read that is so timely considering how I am feeling right now...
Jesus Calling December 10 
"Make Me the focal point of your search for security. In your private thoughts, you are still trying to order your world so that it is predictable and feels safe. Not only is this an impossible goal, but it is also counterproductive to spiritual growth. When your private world feels unsteady and you grip My hand for support, you are living in conscious dependence on Me." 
"Instead of yearning for a problem-free life, rejoice that trouble can highlight your awareness of My Presence. In the darkness of adversity, you are able to see more clearly the radiance of My Face. Accept the value of problems in this life, considering them pure joy.Remember that you have an eternity of trouble-free living awaiting you in heaven."
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
—Isaiah 41:10
Even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
—Psalm 139:10
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds.
—James 1:2

Thursday, December 3, 2015

A Public Service Announcement regarding Yoga @ 360 Fitness

Just wanted to make a Public Service Announcement....

360 Fitness will be offering, for a limited time, a $35 a month unlimited 
Yoga Membership.

Classes are as follows:

"Honor yourself, Honor your body... Nameste."