Wednesday, February 17, 2016

The Truth Will Set you Free...

"...and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”  John 8:32
(WARNING: THIS MAY BE TRIGGERING...)
So I need to be honest... over the past few weeks as I have started working the 12 steps with a sponsor again as well as working through a great Bible study about the Armor of God I have come to realize I am not really as free from my eating disorder as I would like to be or like people to think....

What really got me thinking was when I saw my dietitian last week she was very concerned about the amount of weight I had lost over such a short period of time.  This raised concern for me too, because I knew I couldn't keep making the choices I have been making and not continue to lose weight and get away with it.  The guilt of living with these lies is getting to 
me and I know I have GOT TO BE HONEST!
                                         

So after much thought and prayer I have decided to come clean.  Here is what is going on in a nut shell....  I have been engaging in a compulsive amount of exercise and restricting a fair amount of my food intake.  This has been going on for at least half a year and has gradually gotten worse over time.  I know if I don't put a stop to it now things are going to spiral even more out of control and there will be major consequences.

Please pray for me as I step out in faith to come clean with the truth and allow God's mercy and grace to wash over me and my sins as well as pray for me to have the courage to make the much needed changes.  And forgive me for lying to you about how I am really doing.  I was doing so well and then the eating disorder crept it's way back into my life.  I know God has so much more for me than to live a life in bondage and freedom is possible..."the thief comes to steal, kill and destroy, but I have come that you may have life, abundant life!"  John 10:10.

"You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it."

Thursday, February 11, 2016

Scared

So I have to admit something.... I'm scared.  Of what, you ask?  The cookie cake I was having nightly.

You see I quit having it about a month ago.  Why? Well, I wanted to have something different one night and for some crazy reason I thought that even though my dietitian told me I wasn't gaining weight by having it that I really was... silly, I know.  I was doing so good with it.  But I don't have it one night and then that carries over into every night of the entire month.  I have it, ready and waiting in portions in the fridge, and think about it every time I gaze in there, but do I do anything about it? NOOOOO!

All I know to do is pray, put on my big girl panties and do it a couple times and see that I will survive.  Please pray with me as I try and conquer this fear that I desperately want overcome.