Wednesday, March 9, 2016

A Place of my Own

Ever since I had this recent set back and 'come to Jesus' meeting with my parents, sponsor and treatment team I have been thinking about moving out on my own, but didn't know how I would afford it; (another thing I would like to mention is, part of my desire to move out is that fact that my parents will be moving to Lake Palestine in the near future and that is quite a drive to and from work, meetings and all my appointments).   Well last Thursday one of my friends messaged me on Facebook and said she felt the Lord pressing on her heart during meditation time in our yoga class of mine that she comes to, to tell me about an opportunity.  Anyway she went on to tell me that a friend of ours has a small rental house behind her house in the azalea district that has come available for rent.  Perfect size, location (downtown 5 min from work and where I teach yoga), all bills paid with a washer & dryer.  I went to go see it and got the application and immediately talked to my sponsor.  She was behind me a 100%!  I shared the opportunity with several other people that I am close to, my brother and close friends who all said 'you have to do this!'... I was hesitant to tell my parents because of my recent slip, but went to the Lord about the opportunity and really felt like God was leading me to do this, so I finally gathered the courage Sunday and talked to them.  They were all for it!  So we went and looked at it Sunday afternoon and I gave the renter my application and continued to pray, leaving it in God's hands.  Monday I got a text from the renter saying I was approved, but I had yet to talk to my treatment team (dietician and counselor) about the opportunity.  I emailed them, but both wanted to talk to me in person about my decision...

I met with my dietician Tuesday evening and she was not at all supportive of my hope to move out on my own.  She said am in a very vulnerable place right now after my recent set back and saw this as my eating disorder trying to manipulate things and creep back in.  My session with her was very hard, and quite disappointing.  After having had worked with her for over 4 years I really hoped she would support my desire to live on my own, but she didn't... To be honest her response hurt.  I have the support of ALL my friends and family, but to not have her support was really disappointing... but I am determined to prove her wrong!!!!  

Here is the thing...I feel highly motivated to do what I need to for my recovery and I know that even though it's nice and comfortable to have my parents there I can't rely on them forever.  I am 30 years old and its time for me to take responsibility and do this for myself.  I have gotten a glimpse over the last couple of weeks of what it feels like to walk free from the eating disorder (restricting and over-exercising) and it feels so good and makes me want to fight even harder to not slip back.  Money will be tight, but I feel like this will give me a boost of confidence to really take control of my life and my recovery, plus I have tons of people on my side rooting for me and I know you all will kick my butt if I choose to fall back into eating disorder behaviors.

Please pray for me as I embark on this next chapter of my life and always know that I appreciate your unconditional love and support that you so graciously give!