God's Butterfly

The morning after my graduation God spoke to me about the significance of two gifts I received one at the beginning of my Mercy journey and one at the end. I wanted to share this cool illustration of how cool God is to care about every last detail of our lives....

The day before I left for Mercy in October Connor and Brittany gave me a beautiful James Avery charm for no particular reason except to mark the beginning of this journey for me.

La Mariposa (butterfly) Charm

At the time I knew a couple different things about what butterflies represented:
*Recovery*
*New Life*
Little did I know the significance this charm would have at the end of my Mercy journey when I received a second James Avery Charm from my Godmother and her husband.


The Crosslet Butterfly Charm.
The solid butterfly with a tiny cross cut through reflects a symbol of faith. The butterfly is a symbol of the Resurrection. The beautiful form of the butterfly bursting forth from the seemingly lifeless chrysalis suggests Christ's victory over death.

The day after I graduated from Mercy I gazed in the mirror admiring my precious new piece of jewelry and pondering all that God had done in the last several months and this is what God laid on my heart...
The first charm, the cut out butterfly, represents what the beginning of this journey looked like for me, empty, but new life in the making. The second charm, the crosslet butterfly, represents the end of my time at Mercy after God got done with that chapter in my life, whole, complete, new and full of God (illustrated by the cross). After God blessed me with this I did a little research about butterflies and the meaning of James Avery's pieces I received and the message became even more powerful.....
The second charm I received represents Christ's victory over death, satan, in my own personal life. I am the butterfly, full and complete, with Him living on the inside of me and outwardly manifesting in my life.
Other things that I've learned butterflies symbolize:
*Freedom*
*Transformation*
*Soul*
*Delicacy*
I couldnt help but think of two different illustrations of the butterfly in a couple of things that I have read recently and want to share those.

The Butterfly and the Cocoon
One day a small opening appeared on a cocoon. And a man sat and waited by the butterfly as it struggled to get out of the cocoon, as it forced it's body through the newly formed little hole. Then it seemed to stop making progress.

To the man it appeared to have gotten as far as it could. So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pear of scissors and snipped through the remaining cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. Thou it had a swollen body and small shriveled wings.

The man continued to watch the butterfly, because he expected that in any moment the wings would enlarge and expand and would be able to support the body that would contract in time. But to his surprise neither happened. In fact the butterfly spent the rest of it's life crawling around with the swollen body and shriveled wings. Never able to fly.

What the man in his kindness and hast did not understand, is that the restricting cocoon and the struggle was required for that butterfly to get through the tinny opening. It was natures way for forcing the fluid from the body into it's wings, so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved it's freedom from the cocoon.

The moral of the story...

Life's struggles help build character. While there is great wisdom in this idea, when you're in the middle of a struggle, knowing that you're building character doesn't bring much relief. It's usually only after the situation has been resolved that we can reflect on our experience and assess the impact it had on our life. I have found this to be true in my life. Being in the in a place where I felt so hopeless and stuck it was hard to think this was making me a better person.

At the end of the day, we can either allow our challenges to pummel us and leave us feeling beaten down by life, or we can choose to consciously walk through each challenge with God and learn from the experience. The latter can truly build strength and wisdom when we allow it to and not become bitter because of what we face.

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
Romans 5:1-5

An excerpt from the book: TrueFaced
(Subject: Living out of who God says I am)
If my motive is trusting God, then my value will be living out who God says I am and my action will be standing with God, with my sin in front of us to work on together. Let's look at the value that flows from trusting God- living out of who God says I am. Have we already been changed? Yes. As day is from night, we have changed. We have received a new heart, for crying out loud! We have a brand-new core identity. We have already been changed, and now we get to mature into who we already are.
Consider the caterpillar. If we brought a caterpillar to a biologist and asked him to analyze it and describe its DNA, he would tell us, "I know this looks like a caterpillar to you, but scientifically, in every testable result, including DNA, this is fully and completely a butterfly." Wow! God has wired into a creature that looks nothing like a butterfly, a perfectly complete butterfly "identity." And because the caterpillar is a butterfly in essence, it will one day display attributes of a butterfly. The caterpillar matures into what is already true about it. In the meantime, berating the caterpillar for not being more like a butterfly is not only futile, it might actually harm its hearing!
So it is with us. God has given us the DNA of godliness. We are saints. Righteous. Nothing we do will make us more godly or saintly than we already are. Nothing we do will alter this reality. God knows our DNA. He knows that we are "Christ in me." And now he is asking us to join Him in what He knows is true!

"For here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to take you out of these countries, gather you from all over, and bring you back to your own land. I'll pour pure water over you and scrub you clean. I'll give you a new heart, put a new spirit in you. I'll remove the stone heart from your body and replace it with a heart that's God-willed, not self-willed. I'll put my Spirit in you and make it possible for you to do what I tell you and live by my commands. You'll once again live in the land I gave your ancestors. You'll be my people! I'll be your God!"
Ez. 36:24

So much truth in two small gifts...
Thank you Connor, Brittany, Robbyn and Keith for being a vessel for God to touch my heart and Im sure the hearts of many others.

I loved these pictures and thought they depicted this blog post well.

A broken, empty beautiful butterfly
http://www.flickr.com/photos/rosie_hardy/2867746111/in/photostream/

A free, transformed, gorgeous butterfly living for her Godhttp://www.flickr.com/photos/rosie_hardy/2865249809/in/photostream/

Revelations

I dont even know where to begin as far as sharing what the Lord has done in my life over the last few month so I thought that I would start out by sharing several revelations the Lord has given to me that I will hold close to my heart forever...

• Christ in Me:

"For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory." Col. 3:3

"God doesn't play hide-and-seek with us. He's not remote; he's near. We live and move in him, can't get away from him! One of your poets said it well: 'We're the God-created.' " Acts. 17:24-29

"You realize, don't you, that you are the temple of God, and God himself is present in you? No one will get by with vandalizing God's temple, you can be sure of that. God's temple is sacred—and you, remember, are the temple." 1Cor. 3:16-17

*I have always struggled with loving myself, all of me, body, mind, heart, soul and spirit. The Lord has shown me how to love and accept myself the way he made all of me by the words of these verses. Because he is a part of me and I love him, then I automatically am loving and accepting myself. He is part of me. When I think degrading thoughts about myself I am not only hurting myself, but I am hurting God. Its saying that the way he made me is not good enough and he is not good enough (since he is a part of me). How can I not love, accept and respect myself when Christ himself is in me!?!

• Beautiful:

  " You're beautiful from head to toe, my dear love,
  beautiful beyond compare, absolutely flawless." Songs 4:7

*Comparison of others whether it be physical looks, personality traits, spiritual maturity, or tangible belongings can bring about quite a bit of discontentment. I have found myself doing this a lot in the past (and sometimes still battle), but God has given me some insight into this verse and how to apply it to my life. God only created one Meagan Nicole Vrba, therefore I cant compare myself and my life to others because there is no other Meagan with my DNA, personality and spirituality to compare myself to. I was created by God to fit into the mold that he made for me, not someone else's mold. When I lust after what others have and try to 'be like them,' its never enough to satisfy. Why? because wasnt created to fit in your mold and you were not created to fit in mine. God loves me so much that he made me unique. The more I am able to accept and love all of me exactly the way God made me and yield to his desires for me, the more I fit into my God-created, Meagan Nicole Vrba, mold. And within that mold beauty and flawlessness is found in the eyes of the Lord.

• Demonic Illusions:

"The Spirit makes it clear that as time goes on, some are going to give up on the faith and chase after demonic illusions put forth by professional liars. These liars have lied so well and for so long that they've lost their capacity for truth. They will tell you not to get married. They'll tell you not to eat this or that food—perfectly good food God created to be eaten heartily and with thanksgiving by believers who know better! Everything God created is good, and to be received with thanks." 1 Tim. 4:1-5

*For so long I was told and believed that anorexia was a disease that I would have 'manage' for the rest of my life. The world has tried to explain away why people struggle with different things only to find often that their 'fixes' never truly bring freedom The Lord has given me the realization of how untrue it is that anorexia is a disease- the truth will set you free. Anorexia is a spiritual battle, a demonic illusion that I sought after blindly for over 12 years. Its not something I have to 'manage' for the rest of my life Christ has set me free, so indeed I am free. There is so much freedom in this truth and the fact that I have authority over anorexia, the enemy, through Christ in me.

• Freedom:
  

"Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you." Gal. 5:1

*About a month ago someone asked me if I had received complete healing and freedom from anorexia and I hesitated in my response. I thought 'Im not free, the thoughts and temptations are still present.' But the more I wrestled with and prayed about this I discovered ... I AM FREE, ever since I accepted Christ he made me free. There will still be thoughts and temptations because 1) satan is alive and well, ready to devour and 2) we live in a fallen world, things happen because of our sin nature. It's what I do in those moments when the thoughts and temptations come in that I am able to choose Christ, my path of freedom. Obedience to God time after time will determine the level or freedom I experience. So the question is: How free do I want to be?

Free to be ME!
(no matter what I am doing and how
silly I look I know that I am loved)

Meagan's Graduation Memories

Four Awesome Young Women Graduate from Mercy!

(This is straight from the blog of Nancy Alcorn)

Yesterday, I had the joy of graduating four of our Nashville residents from Mercy – Meagan, Alexa, Christin, and Lauren (pictured left/right). Hearing the testimonies of how God totally changes and transforms lives never gets old, so I wanted to share part of their testimonies with you…

Meagan, Alexa, Nancy, Christin, and Lauren

Meagan grew up in a Christian home, but did not have a personal relationship with God. She came to Mercy after struggling with an eating disorder for 12 years. During her time at Mercy, God showed Meagan that she is worthy and accepted. Meagan now knows that she is beautiful and loves what she sees when she looks in the mirror! After graduating, Meagan is moving home and plans to finish her last year of school, get involved in her local church, and continue pursuing all that God has in store for her. Way to go, Meagan!

Please join me in celebrating Christin, Alexa, Meagan, and Lauren as they graduate from Mercy! I am so proud of all of you!!

Only by God's Grace

"It boggles my mind that I am where I am physically, emotionally, and spiritually - it's only by God's grace - there's no other way possible!"

This is a comment made in a recent letter from Meagan. I feel the best way to update you on Meagan's progress at this point is to share comments from her recent letters and phone conversations. These comments say it all!

"It's cool because I have this new joy and sense of peace that I have never known possible apart from a relationship or some other thing that gave me a sense of worth and security. I believe this can be summed up by what was said at our devotional the other night - because I know who God is, I now know who I am - that in and of itself gives me both joy and peace. I am secure in Him!"

"God continually amazes me with His power and goodness to restore so much of what was stolen by the enemy; friendships, health, a sound mind, joy, and peace."

"I've been told that I'm a good communicator and that I should speak to others about Mercy. I believe God is taking my misery and making it my ministry. What the enemy intended for destruction, God will use for His glory."

"It's only by God's grace that I have progressed to the place that I'm now at....So yah, God is capable way beyond anything I could ever try to do on my own - to Him be the glory!"



Our Family Trip to Nashville






We had the privilege of spending a weekend with Meagan in Nashville, March 19-22. We had a fantastic time!! Meagan's progress was apparent! It was such a blessing to spend time with her. The glow and true joy in to her countenance was inspiring.

Before picking Meagan up at the Mercy home in Nashville, we toured the headquarters, which is on the same grounds. What an amazing place!! Soon after finishing up our tour, Meagan, along with a couple of her closest friends, greeted us in the parking lot. We then had the opportunity to go over to the home and meet many of the residents and staff. It was so nice to finally get to meet all the people that we hear Meagan talk of so often.

Of course our first outing was a trip to the famous Opryland Mills Mall to do one of our favorite things, shop. That evening we celebrated Connor's 23rd birthday at the Hard Rock Cafe in downtown Nashville. We walked around some and checked out some of the sights. On Sat. we went to breakfast at The Pancake Pantry, which is a Nashville hotspot. Wow, the pancakes were delicious! Our favorite was the sweet potato pancakes! We walked around some in that area and then drove down Music Row. After a little rest Sat. afternoon we headed over to the Grand Ole Opry and checked it out before heading over to the Gaylord Opryland for more sight seeing and dinner. Sunday we went to Christ Church, the church Meagan and the Mercy girls go to each Sunday. Christ Christ is right beside Mercy. It was a very moving and energetic service. We really enjoyed it! After going out for lunch we headed to the Country Music Hall of Fame and spent the afternoon there. It was incredible! Once we finished up our tour there we only had a few hours left before Meagan would have to be taken back to the home. We enjoyed dinner and more visiting and then we headed back to Mercy and said all our good-byes. We had the time of our life, and know that God has many more great times like this in store for our family in the future.

As I close out this post Jesus' words in John 10:10 resound loud and clear in my heart; "The thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but I came to give life - life in all it's fullness."

Glory and Praise to you Lord Jesus Christ!!









Posted by: Angela Vrba March 8, 2010

...The Battle Is Not Yours, But God's 2 Chronicles 20:15

This passage from God's word is one that I've known, but was recently reminded of in a book I was reading. As I began to pray and contemplate what message God would have me write as I compose an update on Meagan's blog, this scripture came to mind, along with the Bible story behind the wonderful truth. Jehoshaphat and God's people were in big trouble, facing the most terrifying battle of their lives. In many ways, it seemed that they should give up, but God told them otherwise. "Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's" 2 Chronicles 20:15

For the past 12 years, Meagan has been trying to fight a vast army which has been the lies of the enemy manifested in an eating disorder. There have been periods of progress, but never true victory. What was the missing piece? Why did she keep falling back into the destructive ed patterns? These questions have been asked time and time again. Probably the same reason I kept falling back into trying to control the eating disorder myself. God doesn't intend for us to fight the battle; the battle is His!!! Victory for me came when I let go and gave the battle to God, totally and completely. Not until then was I set free from my obsession to fix the problem. This is what Meagan is finding to be true for herself as she is learning daily at Mercy just what giving the battle to God entails.

First she's learning to totally relinquish control and let God take control. This has been a major challenge. From control of her food to control of her time, she's learning how to allow God to be in control. Resistance to allowing that total control has only brought pain, but surrendering to God's will is bringing about transformation and freedom. Meagan's words from a recent letter; "I finally feel like things are beginning to shift for me, its still hard at times, but I feel like I'm so much more aware of what God is doing as well as the conviction and guidance he gives and I'm more willing to listen - I'm finally starting to let go, trust, and not lean on my own understanding."

I believe willingness to relinquish control comes as we learn that God CAN be trusted. Just like trust of other people comes from getting to know them better, the same holds true with trusting God. We have to get to know Him better. We do that by spending time with Him daily through prayer, meditation, and reading His Word. The program at Mercy is saturating Meagan in the word and she been like a sponge absorbing ever bit of the truth. John 8:32 "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

A few weekends ago Meagan lost the privilege to take and make phone calls due to not meeting a weekly weight goal. At first she was devastated, but it turned out to be a wonderful learning experience. Since she wouldn't be taking or making phone calls on Sat. or Sun. and the weekends there at Mercy are pretty low-key, she had plenty of time to spend with God, and that's just what she did. Since that first weekend of no calls, she has opted to voluntarily continue to not take or make phone calls for several weekends. This is a true testament of how God works all things out for good. In a recent letter Meagan wrote; "Although it's been tough and I miss talking to you very much, I know God had more intent than to just discipline the daughter He loves, He also wanted me to use this time to be with Him and nurture out relationship. My worth and happiness cannot be based on anything but the Lord." Then in another letter she said; " ....it has been so worth it spending time with the Lord. I can't help but think about the verse Psalms 45:10 that talks about leaving your father's house and seeking the Lord fully - I know how important it is that I put my dependence in God above all else and through this journey here at Mercy He is teaching me and showing me what this is like. He is the only constant in my life, no person, thing, addiction, or place can give me completely what He can give me ALWAYS! So my dependence and trust in him is something that continues to grow while in the process bringing me the desire to follow him more and know him better. He's also revealing to me a peace and acceptance that I never thought possible."

Needless to say, we are very encouraged by Meagan's recent letters. We have missed getting to talk to her on the weekends, but we are gladly willing to give up our weekend phone calls knowing that she is spending that time with the Lord. Through daily surrender to God's will, her freedom is being won against this battle! And we give Him all the Glory!

Meagan and our family are so grateful for your continued prayers and support! Each of you are helping to make this victory possible through your prayers. May God abundantly bless you. I apologize for taking so long to post an update. We will be visiting Meagan in Nashville Mar. 12-14. I will do my best to post an update as soon as possible after our visit.
Posted by: Angela Vrba Feb. 23, 2010

Home for the Holidays

As many of you know I have been at Mercy Ministries in Nashville Tennessee for a little over two months now seeking spiritual healing through the Lord for my body, heart, mind & spirit… there is SO much to share, lets just say God is OH SO GOOD and very personal!! You may be wondering how I am actually able to have access to a computer right now, since I haven’t for the last couple months. Well, Mercy gives us and the staff a SEVENTEEN day Christmas break to be able to share the holidays with our families. What a blessing! I flew home December 17^th and will be in Tyler until January 4^th.

Now things are starting to settle down I have just been trying to see some friends and enjoy the last few days with my family!

I have to say that being home has been bittersweet. I have truly enjoyed every moment with my family & my animals, but I also miss my sisters at Mercy and being out of the ‘Mercy Bubble’ isn’t as easy as one might think! Yes, its definitely nice to be able to have freedom… to shower when you want, eat when you want, go to bed when you want, and to have the privilege to use your cell phone and computer along with many other things, but the ‘real world’ doesn’t schedule in quiet time with the Lord, praise and worship and bible reading, nor do you have someone making sure you ‘do the right thing’ to take care of yourself, to walk in obedience to the Lord like you have at Mercy. The enemy really starts talking when you don’t have a staff member to be directly accountable to. In dealing with the temptation of giving into the enemies lies I have to:

• Recognize the lie

• Replace the lie with truth from the Word
• Decipher guilt VS. conviction

• Pray, recite scripture, listen to worship music

• Remember that feelings aren’t facts and walk in obedience regardless of how uncomfortable it may be and trust that the Lord will honor me for honoring Him.

THIS IS THE TOUGH PART... much easier said than done!

Recognizing lies as well as making the decision to do the right thing and take time to nurture my relationship with God takes discipline and commitment regardless of how immediate I see results. Since I have been home on break I have found its not the easiest even after being at Mercy for 60 plus days now. When you have all the worldly influences enticing you to seek them instead its easy to give into instant gratifcation So many times in the past I have put many things in front of God thinking those things would comfort me only to find again and again the more empty than I started out. I am much more aware of the temptations now that I have been at Mercy for a bit, and though I know the ‘truth’ about worldly pleasures its still a challenge to put the Lord first, but despite the challenge my heart yearns to please the Lord! My expectations for where I thought I would be physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually was a lot higher than where I find myself. I think I was hoping that this freedom would come more easily than it has, but how do I appreciate something that didn’t take much faith and hard work? I know myself and I wont. And even though I have pleaded with the Lord to just heal me, I have to trust that His way of doing things, whatever the length of time and energy it takes is this way for a reason far beyond my comprehension.

I have to say this is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life! Yes, I have been in treatment for my eating disorder before, but this is totally different from any other approach. Ive GOT to let go and trust God knows better than I do, this is a choice I have to make, choosing life with Christ or death with ED (eating disorder). Most would think, ‘well duh, that’s an easy choice,’ but there is so much more to it than that, it’s a spiritual battle that takes a lot of fighting energy. I have battled with this eating disorder for 12 years and its very ingrained in me. Its going to take time and a continual renewing of my mind in seeing myself as God sees me.

My two months that I have been at Mercy so far have been incredibly powerful, but Im still a work in progress. I will honestly admit that I was somewhat disappointed in myself and in God when I discovered I still struggle more than I thought. I have to continually remind myself, its progress not perfection. God picks up the slack where I am lacking, He is perfect in my imperfections… this is part of being in relationship with him. I can rely on the God's grace to be sufficient, that I am being healed in the broken places within, knowing that where I am weak He will always be strong enough. I wont give up on God and I know he wont give up on me! God will faithfully fulfill his promises to me as long as I trust & obey.

God definitely placed me at Mercy at exactly the right time.. He knows the desires of my heart and he gives them to me! He knows that I love Christmas & my family is important to me, therefore he blessed me in giving me an unforgettable Christmas at Mercy PLUS a treasured Christmas at home for SEVENTEEN DAYS with my family. Although my Christmas break has been challenging at times I know God knew when he placed me at Mercy that going home for over two weeks was going to be in the mix of my time there and he has had a plan in this time away from Mercy that is a part of my healing and for that I am truly grateful!

Christmas at Mercy...








Christmas at my house