July Blogging Challenge Day 8

How do you envision your life being in the next 5 years?

I've been told on many occasions to never set your expectations and if you are going to set them don't set them too high because you will often find yourself disappointed when things don't pan out like you want.  But in light of the question and a matter hoping the best for my self I would say at the very least I would like to be living in good solid recovery from my eating disorder as well as have met the man I intend to marry, if not engaged or married to him already.  This is keeping it short, sweet and attainable... the main thing I want to accomplish though is freedom from my eating disorder, if falling in love happens too great, but what matters most is my freedom, my life depends on it!

"A dream is a wish your heart makes...."

If you haven't already noticed I changed the title of my blog from Allured by Christ Through His Mercy to Eden.  The origin of Eden is of course from the book of Genesis in the Bible.  It is the Hebrew word for 'paradise'.  It also means 'delight.'

Why the change?  Well this word has been heavy on my heart for some time now for lots of different reasons, right now, for me the word represents 'beautiful', 'pure' and 'new beginnings'... 

I feel as though God planted this word in my heart for many reasons, some beyond my dreams!  If you'll recall back about a year ago I created a Vision Board with all kinds of dreams I have for the future.  Well, one of the boards included my BIG dream of having a flower/gift/coffee shop.  While I was in the hospital and working on some therapeutic matters my dream was re-awaken, but this time with a name... EDEN!  With this name came the acronym:

Extending forgiveness

Dispelling guilt & shame

Embracing unconditional love

Navigating truth

The acronym reflects more of what Eden has meant to me in my journey to forgive, love and accept myself as I am just as the Lord does.  This is something I have to do and all the time because I am super hard on myself, in fact, I am my own worse enemy.  This self-hate has caused me time and time again to pick up my lovely eating disorder as a means to feel control over whatever it was that I messed up.  And then the vicious cycle is begins again... I get mad at myself for 'failing' and using my eating disorder yet again to 'feel better' and so rather than forgive myself and move on I practice my eating disorder more and believe the LIE that it is the only thing I am good at.  So now, day by day, sometimes hour by hour, I am working on being more gentle with myself by extending forgiveness, dispelling guilt and shame and loving myself unconditionally just as the Lord does.


My hope is that Eden would be a place where this acronym can be reflected into the lives of others... I see Eden as either a shop I own and run on my own or have it connected to some type of ministry or program that gives individuals who go through their program the opportunity to work and share their talents at Eden.  Either way Eden will  be a place people can count on to have just the right gift or floral arrangement to brighten someone's day, but also a safe haven to come sit and relax at with a cup of coffee and pastry, comforting tunes and friendly faces.
      

Honestly this all seems quite impossible... my dream seems too BIG, too far fetched.  But I am going to hold onto to several of God's promises and do my part to make my dream come true believing that this dream will do more than touch my heart, but to the heart's of many others.

Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matt.19:26

"Take delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Ps. 37:4 

He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.”  Matt. 17:20

Where Im goin'....

The first part of January I wrote out Goals for 2011 and mentioned creating a vision board.  Well, I finally finished my vision board(s) so I would like to share them and show you what is motivating me to push past struggles and discomfort so that I might obtain the desires of my heart.  

But first, let's revisit the goals I set-- in an non-condemning way-- celebrate the victories and embrace those areas that need work.

Let's do areas of struggle first: 

"But we also glory in our sufferings,  because we know that suffering produces perseverance;  perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." --Romans 5:3-5

Daily:

*Be more gentle with myself -I'm always needing to work on this; I need to be more gracious towards myself.

*Laugh more- I have been embracing this, but I put it down because I definitely think you can never laugh too much! 

*Allow my inner desires, wants and intuition... the Holy Spirit, to shape the choices I make throughout each day & Work on balance, variety & moderation in every aspect of my life- These two areas I definitely need to work on MOST! Fear sets in and I often find myself going 'safe' rather than honoring my true self and most importantly the Lord.  I know the Lord desires for me to enjoy every aspect of life, but it's ultimately my choice whether or not I embrace the freedom he has given me.

Weekly: 

*Eat out 1-2x a week- I have eaten out a couple times since I posted goals earlier in the month, but not weekly.  I know this is an important part of moving forward and stepping out of my comfort zone to experience greater freedom. 

*Work on a few exercises from Beautiful You: A Daily Guide to Radical Self-Acceptance -I'm going to revise this weekly goal to just working on exercises when I feel led and the extra time... Love the book, just don't want to set an expectation :)

*Treat myself to dessert- This kind of goes along with suppressing those inner desires to enjoy yummy things... I have done this a couple times, maybe, I know once for sure, but I really need to do this AT LEAST once a week!

Things I want to work on incorporating throughout the new year:

*Read more

*Face some fear foods

*Love & accept myself as a person & my body as God's temple-- This is continual regardless of where I am physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Now onto the VICTORIES....  

"For whatever is born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world— our faith. Who is he who overcomes the world, but he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?" 1 John 5:3-5

Daily

*Be consistent with my vitamins

*Set aside quiet time for each day- and the Lord is speaking to my heart!

*Drink more water- definitely progress, but still needs work  

Weekly

*Hang out with a friend at least once a week

*Pamper myself- this comes pretty easy most the time!

*Journal 

*Laugh more

Monthly
*Attend Recovery at The Village Church- It's great to be back at Recovery!
*Meet with support system- The Lord orchestrated perfectly a Biblical Counselor who practices similar to what I was taught at Mercy, a Dietitian who is a believer and helps to empower me, and a mentor that is walking in freedom and willing to walk freedom out with me!

For the Year & What's to Come:

*Start searching/interviewing for a job- I never realized job searching took so much work.  Praise the Lord he has worked it out for to to take a class to help me along the way! Praying and believing God has his hand on the perfect position for me.  Will you join?

*Attend Passion 2011- Ticket Bought! 
*Graduate from University of North Texas- May 14, 2011
*Hawaii with my family- Date set & plane tickets bought! June 28, 2011

And now, what we have all been waiting for, the long awaited Vision Board of Meagan Nicole Vrba for 2011 and my Personal Mission statement,  Drum-roll please.... 

"To cultivate and embrace the freedom I've been given through Christ so that I may live a life that brings Him glory & praise."

First comes faith, then comes marriage, then comes a baby (or 2) in a baby-carriage!

Continued freedom, traveling, peace, a baby, exercise, joy, a dog, and a glowing happiness

Full Life: family, dancing, new car, no debt, enjoyment of all food w/o fear, health & balance...

My Big Dream... more to come in the near future, Lord willing!

There we have it!  A review of the month and what's in store for the future....

"Now faith is the assurance of things we hope for, the certainty of things we cannot see."  --Hebrews 11:1

"God you made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before you (let go)... The good people taste your goodness, the whole people taste your health and the true people taste      your truth." -Psalm 18

 

Beautiful You- Day 2 & 3

"The key to feeling better isn't looking better.  It is feeling better about our lives and better understanding our bodies really are- vehicles in which we can experience life.  Our bodies are not life itself; they are objects of motion, not admiration."

-Excerpt from Beautiful You: A Daily Guide to Radical Self-Acceptance

Day 2- Pledge Allegiance to Yourself

Allegiance- [uh-lee-juh ns] loyalty or devotion to some person, group, cause, or the like.

-therefore-

Allegiance to myself= showing love, respect and loyalty to all of me- body, mind, soul and spirit.

The exercise for Day 2 is to read through and sign a Body Warrior Pledge.  To be put simply this Pledge is a commitment to being true to your whole self...

• Celebrate the temple God has given me.
• Allow God & myself to be my primary sources of confidence & worth
• Replace envy with admiration
• Stand up for myself
• Renew my mind
• embrace my imperfections
• Give my body what it needs
• Recognize strengths
• No longer put off things I want to experience

Day 3- Consider How You Feel about Yourself

Where I've been, where I'm going and

how I would like to get there....

How do you feel about yourself?

  Right now, I feel like I am trying to really figure out who the real Meagan is apart from what I have found my identity in for quite a while.  Its exciting, but at the same time scary.  Its a day by day, moment by moment process of letting go that is uncomfortable, but at the same time freeing.  Its a faith walk- trusting God to guide me in discovering who I am as His and a willingness to submit to His ways for me.

        What I know about myself is- the good, the bad, 
the ugly...

• I don't love myself
• I have a lot of doubt the concept of God and his love for me
• I worry about what other people think 
• My family means the world to me
• I am too hard on myself
• I am too independent and prideful
• I want more than a life consumed with ed
• I love to laugh
• I enjoy good food and that scares me
• I want a husband and kids
• I fear being alone
  

      So the next question is why do I feel this way about myself?  I believe this answer is simple, probably too simple for my liking, but sufficient in explaining why I feel the way I do about myself... I feel the way I feel about myself because I do not fully trust the Lord with every aspect of my being-- His love for me, what He says about me, His faithfulness and His sovereignty.  If I can just let go of what I think I know is best because obviously it has gotten me nowhere and step out blindly trusting Him, what do I have to lose??

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;  in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."  --Prov. 3:5-6

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,”
 declares the LORD.  “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."  --Isaiah 55:8-9

By walking by faith and not by sight I am trusting that this walk will bring me to a place of deeper trust and relationship with the Lord as well as a healthy, more loving and accepting sense of myself.  Through establishing these things I hope to discover my true self and God's purpose in my life....

Sweet nothings

Sweet nothings- [pl.n.]: Endearments, affection addressed to a lover.

Jesus being the lover of my soul has been whispering to me sweet nothings, that mean everything....

"For where your treasure is...

there your heart will be also."

-Luke 12:34

~~~~~

"As a woman thinks, so she is..".

-Proverbs 23:7

~~~~~

Out of obedience, love, gratitude and worship, 

do what is right even when it does not feel good or don't want to.

"We walk by FAITH [believing] and not by SIGHT [seeing]."

- 2 Cor. 5:7

~~~~~ 

“Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit”, says the Lord. 

- Zech. 4:6

Not what I do, but what He does THROUGH me.

~~~~~

Which will you choose?

Fear = enemy's faith

Obedience & Believing = God's faith

 

Freedom is the oxygen of the soul.  ~Moshe Dayan 

"In Him we live and move and have our being..." -Acts 17:28

"He is my freedom, He is the oxygen to my soul. " ~Meagan

  

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