July Blogging Challenge

Hey friends!  I thought that it might be fun to do this July Blogging Challenge to get me back to blogging some.  As many of you know I have struggled with an eating disorder for many years and recently I have needed to find some things to do to help keep my mind occupied so I'm not focusing on what I just ate, what I'm going to eat, obsessing about calories and exercising.  I thought of a number of things I could do and blogging was included in that.

Now I am several days behind on the challenge, starting on the 4th rather than the 1st will do that to ya, but I plan to catch up to the current date.  So here it is:

Happy July!

Grateful

Quite a while back I wrote about the importance of gratitude and how keeping a daily gratitude list has been helpful for me.  I fall in and out of the habit of doing it, but always find time and time again the benefits of having a running list of all that I have to be grateful for.

Keeping a gratitude list:

• Keeps me humble
• Puts things into perspective
• Reminds me of God's faithfulness
• Encourages me to look at the small, simple things and not just the big
• A reminder not to take things for granted
• Makes me smile

I keep a daily journal of at least 3-5 gratitudes for each day.  Sometimes I have more, but I challenge myself to have no less and to try not to repeat any so that I am forced to really search for even the smallest thing that I find gratitude it. 

So here are a few gratitudes I have since getting back into the swing of blogging again.

My parents lovingly accepting me back home for a bit while I 

work on Recovery.

Getting to participate in the NEDA Walk in Dallas with good friends & the generous donations from friends and family for Team Eden.

Rootbeer, our dog.  A reminder of God's unconditional love.

My treatment team- the first time I have ear had a team of support in recovery that is all in communication, on the same page and have my best at heart.

My new car that I desperately was in need of and the great deal we got.

Sweet friends that have been such faithful support.

and the little things like:

Time to read

A good color of toe-nail polish

Hugs

Afternoon naps

And sunshine!

So, what are you grateful for?

DOG=GOD

I have to confess one of the best parts of living back home is our dog Rootbeer.  This dog, like many dogs, has been a great reflection of God's unconditional love and grace for me and His relationship with me as my creator. Rootbeer is like God with skin on!

How are relationships with dogs an depiction of what our relationship with God should look like? 

• Protection- like dogs are used as a source of protection, God is our protection, our ULTIMATE protector! 
• Anger- sometimes Rootbeer misbehaves chewing up shoes, having an accident inside or jumping on guests, causing me to get angry. But time and time again I always... ALWAYS love Rootbeer just as I did before the accident happened. This, to me, is a reflection of how I should react to God when I become angry at Him for things I don't understand or don't go my way. I should never runaway and stay angry, but continue to love Him for who he is and what he's done for me trusting his way and timing.
• Listening- Rootbeer doesn't always listen and sometimes it seems like God isn't listening either (when really He is, He just may not respond as we see fit).  Regardless of Rootbeer's response to me I love him still.  God wants me to respond in the same way-- loving Him regardless of His response or lack there of.
• Discipline- sometimes when Rootbeer misbehaves I have to discipline him and I do this because I love him and I want what's best for him.  In the same way God disciplines me for my sins because He wants what is best for me.
• Loyal, man's best friend- just as dogs are man's best friend God longs to be my best friend. God is like Rootbeer... He's always there at your side, never giving up on me. 
• Forgiving of my faults & quirks- the characteristics that dogs display in loving ignorance of my faults are the same Christ displayed on the cross for me. God accepts me despite my faults & hang ups.

Wendy Franisco simply and sweetly delivers the message of the unwavering devotion dogs have for their owners and how it's a reflection of God's essence in God & Dog song and explains in more detail the thoughts behind the lyrics about the similarities between God & dogs here.

I am so grateful for the daily reminder of how God desires to be in relationship with me by reflecting it through my relationship with my dog Rootbeer.  I hope you too have the same reminder in your life whether it be a dog, a cat or some other form because it's easy to forget just how much we are loved by God up above!

Just for fun... a explanation why God made dogs & cats.

"A dream is a wish your heart makes...."

If you haven't already noticed I changed the title of my blog from Allured by Christ Through His Mercy to Eden.  The origin of Eden is of course from the book of Genesis in the Bible.  It is the Hebrew word for 'paradise'.  It also means 'delight.'

Why the change?  Well this word has been heavy on my heart for some time now for lots of different reasons, right now, for me the word represents 'beautiful', 'pure' and 'new beginnings'... 

I feel as though God planted this word in my heart for many reasons, some beyond my dreams!  If you'll recall back about a year ago I created a Vision Board with all kinds of dreams I have for the future.  Well, one of the boards included my BIG dream of having a flower/gift/coffee shop.  While I was in the hospital and working on some therapeutic matters my dream was re-awaken, but this time with a name... EDEN!  With this name came the acronym:

Extending forgiveness

Dispelling guilt & shame

Embracing unconditional love

Navigating truth

The acronym reflects more of what Eden has meant to me in my journey to forgive, love and accept myself as I am just as the Lord does.  This is something I have to do and all the time because I am super hard on myself, in fact, I am my own worse enemy.  This self-hate has caused me time and time again to pick up my lovely eating disorder as a means to feel control over whatever it was that I messed up.  And then the vicious cycle is begins again... I get mad at myself for 'failing' and using my eating disorder yet again to 'feel better' and so rather than forgive myself and move on I practice my eating disorder more and believe the LIE that it is the only thing I am good at.  So now, day by day, sometimes hour by hour, I am working on being more gentle with myself by extending forgiveness, dispelling guilt and shame and loving myself unconditionally just as the Lord does.


My hope is that Eden would be a place where this acronym can be reflected into the lives of others... I see Eden as either a shop I own and run on my own or have it connected to some type of ministry or program that gives individuals who go through their program the opportunity to work and share their talents at Eden.  Either way Eden will  be a place people can count on to have just the right gift or floral arrangement to brighten someone's day, but also a safe haven to come sit and relax at with a cup of coffee and pastry, comforting tunes and friendly faces.
      

Honestly this all seems quite impossible... my dream seems too BIG, too far fetched.  But I am going to hold onto to several of God's promises and do my part to make my dream come true believing that this dream will do more than touch my heart, but to the heart's of many others.

Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matt.19:26

"Take delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Ps. 37:4 

He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.”  Matt. 17:20

A Public Service Announcement: GET REAL

NEDA Walk 2012

Several weeks ago my parents and several friends of mine went up to Dallas for the National Eating Disorder Association Walk as Team Eden.  

NEDA is a non-profit organization dedicated to supporting individuals and families affected by eating disorders and campaigns for prevention, improved access to quality treatment, and increased research funding to better understand and treat eating disorders.  I am a definite supporter of anything related to eating disorder treatment and prevention therefore didn't give a second thought to creating a team to raise support for this organization who is contributing to giving hope and a future to those with eating disorders.

The event included information and resources for treatment and support of eating disorders both local and nationwide as well as special guest Jenni Shafer who wrote Life Without Ed & Goodbye Ed Hello Me, two books which have been great resources for my own recovery.  We were also asked to write the reason we were walking and wear it as we took our stroll through the park.

The event was quite successful.  This was Dallas' first ever walk and in comparison to other walks that have started up over the years the Dallas walk of 2012 was a top First-Time Earner with close to $35,000!  Team Eden contributed to about $1,300 of that amount!

A BIG THANKS to all who supported Team Eden & NEDA as well as all of those who have supported me over the many years I've battled this ugly eating disorder.

Long time no see

Well hello there... I know that it has been quite some time since I last wrote.  Needless to say a lot has happened in the time in between-- both good and not so good.  All I know for sure in the chaos of life over the past year or so God has been faithful through the ups and downs of it all.  Let me give you a brief overview of what all has gone on and in the coming days and weeks I hope to give a more in depth look at different significant events and milestones of 2011 and parts of 2012 we have experienced.

The last time I wrote I had written out a list of goals for the year 2011.  Regretfully I struggled a lot with meeting many of them.  The hope to be more gentle with myself, laugh more and honor my desires & intuition was quickly overshadowed by old ways and habits of my eating disorder....

I continued taking my final classes at UNT in the spring while also working at the University.  I got news not long after I last posted that I was short a couple hours in order to graduate in May therefore would have to make up that time in the summer semesters and wait to graduate in August.   I went ahead and resigned from my job at the University in May and took a Maymester so that I could still have somewhat of a summer.

For my birthday, Mom and Dad's anniversary and a belated birthday present for Connor we went to Maui... Our first time in Hawaii (and it won't be our last)!!!

Throughout the summer my job was job hunting for my first full time job as a college graduate.  I spent countless amounts of time and energy applying for, preparing for and interviewing with various potential places of employment.  In July I was hired at Sunrise Senior Living in Frisco to work as a Care Manager with the senior in the Independent Living Neighborhood called the Terrace Club.  My job consisted of assisting in the day to day needs and care of the residents as well as planning and executing daily activities to prolong and enhance the aging process.   
 

In August I walked across the stage receiving a degree with a Bachelor's in Psychology. 

I also got to be a part of one of my best friend's wedding.

Over this entire time my eating disorder was becoming more and more of a problem... a problem which I chose to ignore.  I was doing very little laughing, much less living for anything other than to practice my eating disorder and in the months leading up to December ed was spilling into every aspect of my life.  Before I knew it I was at death's door, scared I was going to die, but too far into the grips of ED to make choices to dig out of the hole I had created for myself.

I ended up deciding to resign from my job and I checked myself into the hospital.  I thought I would use the insurance I had left for the year as a boost to get me headed back in the right direction with my food....  Little did I know, God had much different plans and I would end up staying there almost 3 months.

This leads us up to where things are now...The first part of March I left the hospital in a much better place physically and emotionally than I came in at.  I decided to move back to Tyler and live with my parents for a stint of time until I can fully get back on my feet -- luckily my parents and Rootbeer (our dog) graciously accepted me.

In the here and now my job is recovery and taking care of me-- enjoying the little things in life so that I can one day experience the dreams I have deep in my heart.  Although 2011 didn't pan out exactly as I had hoped, as I said in the beginning, God has been faithful through it all. 

"For the mountains may move and the hills disappear, but even then my faithful love for you will remain. My covenant of blessing will never be broken," says the LORD, who has mercy on you."   -Isaiah 54:10