July Blogging Challenge Day 9

What's your food philosophy?

It's as simple as that... 

do I live by this? 

no.

But it's something I believe in and I am working toward.

Progress, not Perfect.

Balance.  Variety.  Moderation.

July Blogging Challenge Day 8

How do you envision your life being in the next 5 years?

I've been told on many occasions to never set your expectations and if you are going to set them don't set them too high because you will often find yourself disappointed when things don't pan out like you want.  But in light of the question and a matter hoping the best for my self I would say at the very least I would like to be living in good solid recovery from my eating disorder as well as have met the man I intend to marry, if not engaged or married to him already.  This is keeping it short, sweet and attainable... the main thing I want to accomplish though is freedom from my eating disorder, if falling in love happens too great, but what matters most is my freedom, my life depends on it!

July Blogging Challenge Day 7

If you could live in any time period in the past, when would it be and why?

The Fifties would be my choice of time to go back to.  I like the simplicity of life during that period of time and people's ability to enjoy themselves, appreciated their families and embraced in a balanced way the fads of that era such as  television, fashion & music- especially the the dancing.

Facts of the Fifties:

Life in the early 1950’s was still very strict. Women were still obligated to the status of housewife and men were the main breadwinners in the family. Children, including teenagers, were to be seen and not heard but by the mid-1950’s, that was becoming more difficult because of newfound freedoms, rock and roll music, and other outlets teenagers had available to them.

In the 1950’s television was becoming more and more a part of everyday life, more families had televisions in their homes and AM radio was also becoming more popular, along with the advent of 45 records, jukeboxes, and eventually albums.  Televisions shows that were popular at the time included The Ed Sullivan Show, I Love Lucy, Lassie and Dick Clark's American Bandstand. 

Music was expanding; the sound of rock and roll was creeping into the mainstream with the help of radio and television and teenagers were experiencing more independence and freedom than what their parents had as teenagers.  Popular musicians at the time included none other than Elvis Presley and Jerry Lee Lewis.

                                        

Clothing fads included Guys wearing their hair longer with sideburns and slicked back with grease. They also wore jeans and leather jackets (with the collar turned up to be “cool”) and the girls wore ponytails, poodle skirts, pedal pushers, and scarves.  

Although, times were changing, major changes didn’t take place until the 1960’s, which saw a shift in morals, attitudes, family life, race relations, and overall feelings about the government. To many, this is why the 1950’s are seen as the best time, when families and morals were intact and times were much simpler and enjoyable.

                                     

July Blogging Challenge Day 6

If you could spend 15 minutes with any celebrity who would it be and why??

If I could spend 15 minutes with a celebrity I would choose Princess Diana.  She has always intrigued me... Her poise and grace in handling both herself and others I have always admired and I would bid for a bit of time with her to ask her how she did this along with how she handled balancing her life and dealing with the judgmental world she faced at optimal levels day in and day out.  

"Everyone of us needs to show how much we care for each other and, in the process, care for ourselves."

"I don't go by the rule book... I lead from the heart, not the head."  

 ~Princess Diana

July Blogging Challenge Day 5

Post a picture of something or someone who made your day special.

There is just something about a dog's unconditional love that never fails to make my heart smile.

July Blogging Challenge Day 4

If your could rid the world of one thing what would it be?

I believe for most, the typical answers to this question would be: war, greed, poverty and the likes, but for me it's going to be something completely different.  If I could rid the world of one thing it would have to be eating disorders.  Whether it's anorexia, bulimia or compulsive overeating they are all in the realm of having the highest mortality rate of any mental illness in the world.  They are deadly and haunt the lives of many men and women around the world, therefore I would choose to rid the world of that which steals from so many lives, I would rid the world of eating disorders.

July Blogging Challenge Day 3

What was the last movie you saw in theaters?

I went this past weekend and saw People Like Us in the theater with my parents.  Very good movie, I would highly recommend it.  The storyline is about a guy who's father passes away leaving him with the task to get some money to the sister and nephew he never knew he had.  I won't share anymore of the details, because I do not want to spoil too much, but it's a good one!  Here is the trailer below: 

July Blogging Challenge Day 2

If you could give a newborn baby one 

piece of advice what would it be?

Hmmm, if I could give a newborn baby one piece of advice it would probably be the same advice I would give myself: 

"Be gentle with yourself & learn to love yourself for who God created you to be, not by the world's standards of who you need to be or what you need to look like."

Embrace Self-Love & Acceptance.  I know I need to, do you?

Here is a link to a great blogpost at one of my favorite sites,

 Positively Present, on Self Love, enjoy and why not give 

yourself a hug :)

July Blogging Challenge DAY 1

Write out your goals for the month

• Continue participating in Mercy Triumphs Bible study weekly

• Complete July Blogging Challenge
• Drink more water
• Follow recommendations of the dietician despite feelings (feelings aren't facts)

• Finish Fifty Shades Freed book

• Challenge myself to a treat & eating out once a week
• Learn how to do more floral arrangements at French Peas (my new job!)

Keeping my goals short, sweet and attainable.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!"

-Philipians 4:13

July Blogging Challenge

Hey friends!  I thought that it might be fun to do this July Blogging Challenge to get me back to blogging some.  As many of you know I have struggled with an eating disorder for many years and recently I have needed to find some things to do to help keep my mind occupied so I'm not focusing on what I just ate, what I'm going to eat, obsessing about calories and exercising.  I thought of a number of things I could do and blogging was included in that.

Now I am several days behind on the challenge, starting on the 4th rather than the 1st will do that to ya, but I plan to catch up to the current date.  So here it is:

Happy July!

Grateful

Quite a while back I wrote about the importance of gratitude and how keeping a daily gratitude list has been helpful for me.  I fall in and out of the habit of doing it, but always find time and time again the benefits of having a running list of all that I have to be grateful for.

Keeping a gratitude list:

• Keeps me humble
• Puts things into perspective
• Reminds me of God's faithfulness
• Encourages me to look at the small, simple things and not just the big
• A reminder not to take things for granted
• Makes me smile

I keep a daily journal of at least 3-5 gratitudes for each day.  Sometimes I have more, but I challenge myself to have no less and to try not to repeat any so that I am forced to really search for even the smallest thing that I find gratitude it. 

So here are a few gratitudes I have since getting back into the swing of blogging again.

My parents lovingly accepting me back home for a bit while I 

work on Recovery.

Getting to participate in the NEDA Walk in Dallas with good friends & the generous donations from friends and family for Team Eden.

Rootbeer, our dog.  A reminder of God's unconditional love.

My treatment team- the first time I have ear had a team of support in recovery that is all in communication, on the same page and have my best at heart.

My new car that I desperately was in need of and the great deal we got.

Sweet friends that have been such faithful support.

and the little things like:

Time to read

A good color of toe-nail polish

Hugs

Afternoon naps

And sunshine!

So, what are you grateful for?

DOG=GOD

I have to confess one of the best parts of living back home is our dog Rootbeer.  This dog, like many dogs, has been a great reflection of God's unconditional love and grace for me and His relationship with me as my creator. Rootbeer is like God with skin on!

How are relationships with dogs an depiction of what our relationship with God should look like? 

• Protection- like dogs are used as a source of protection, God is our protection, our ULTIMATE protector! 
• Anger- sometimes Rootbeer misbehaves chewing up shoes, having an accident inside or jumping on guests, causing me to get angry. But time and time again I always... ALWAYS love Rootbeer just as I did before the accident happened. This, to me, is a reflection of how I should react to God when I become angry at Him for things I don't understand or don't go my way. I should never runaway and stay angry, but continue to love Him for who he is and what he's done for me trusting his way and timing.
• Listening- Rootbeer doesn't always listen and sometimes it seems like God isn't listening either (when really He is, He just may not respond as we see fit).  Regardless of Rootbeer's response to me I love him still.  God wants me to respond in the same way-- loving Him regardless of His response or lack there of.
• Discipline- sometimes when Rootbeer misbehaves I have to discipline him and I do this because I love him and I want what's best for him.  In the same way God disciplines me for my sins because He wants what is best for me.
• Loyal, man's best friend- just as dogs are man's best friend God longs to be my best friend. God is like Rootbeer... He's always there at your side, never giving up on me. 
• Forgiving of my faults & quirks- the characteristics that dogs display in loving ignorance of my faults are the same Christ displayed on the cross for me. God accepts me despite my faults & hang ups.

Wendy Franisco simply and sweetly delivers the message of the unwavering devotion dogs have for their owners and how it's a reflection of God's essence in God & Dog song and explains in more detail the thoughts behind the lyrics about the similarities between God & dogs here.

I am so grateful for the daily reminder of how God desires to be in relationship with me by reflecting it through my relationship with my dog Rootbeer.  I hope you too have the same reminder in your life whether it be a dog, a cat or some other form because it's easy to forget just how much we are loved by God up above!

Just for fun... a explanation why God made dogs & cats.

"A dream is a wish your heart makes...."

If you haven't already noticed I changed the title of my blog from Allured by Christ Through His Mercy to Eden.  The origin of Eden is of course from the book of Genesis in the Bible.  It is the Hebrew word for 'paradise'.  It also means 'delight.'

Why the change?  Well this word has been heavy on my heart for some time now for lots of different reasons, right now, for me the word represents 'beautiful', 'pure' and 'new beginnings'... 

I feel as though God planted this word in my heart for many reasons, some beyond my dreams!  If you'll recall back about a year ago I created a Vision Board with all kinds of dreams I have for the future.  Well, one of the boards included my BIG dream of having a flower/gift/coffee shop.  While I was in the hospital and working on some therapeutic matters my dream was re-awaken, but this time with a name... EDEN!  With this name came the acronym:

Extending forgiveness

Dispelling guilt & shame

Embracing unconditional love

Navigating truth

The acronym reflects more of what Eden has meant to me in my journey to forgive, love and accept myself as I am just as the Lord does.  This is something I have to do and all the time because I am super hard on myself, in fact, I am my own worse enemy.  This self-hate has caused me time and time again to pick up my lovely eating disorder as a means to feel control over whatever it was that I messed up.  And then the vicious cycle is begins again... I get mad at myself for 'failing' and using my eating disorder yet again to 'feel better' and so rather than forgive myself and move on I practice my eating disorder more and believe the LIE that it is the only thing I am good at.  So now, day by day, sometimes hour by hour, I am working on being more gentle with myself by extending forgiveness, dispelling guilt and shame and loving myself unconditionally just as the Lord does.


My hope is that Eden would be a place where this acronym can be reflected into the lives of others... I see Eden as either a shop I own and run on my own or have it connected to some type of ministry or program that gives individuals who go through their program the opportunity to work and share their talents at Eden.  Either way Eden will  be a place people can count on to have just the right gift or floral arrangement to brighten someone's day, but also a safe haven to come sit and relax at with a cup of coffee and pastry, comforting tunes and friendly faces.
      

Honestly this all seems quite impossible... my dream seems too BIG, too far fetched.  But I am going to hold onto to several of God's promises and do my part to make my dream come true believing that this dream will do more than touch my heart, but to the heart's of many others.

Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matt.19:26

"Take delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Ps. 37:4 

He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.”  Matt. 17:20

A Public Service Announcement: GET REAL

NEDA Walk 2012

Several weeks ago my parents and several friends of mine went up to Dallas for the National Eating Disorder Association Walk as Team Eden.  

NEDA is a non-profit organization dedicated to supporting individuals and families affected by eating disorders and campaigns for prevention, improved access to quality treatment, and increased research funding to better understand and treat eating disorders.  I am a definite supporter of anything related to eating disorder treatment and prevention therefore didn't give a second thought to creating a team to raise support for this organization who is contributing to giving hope and a future to those with eating disorders.

The event included information and resources for treatment and support of eating disorders both local and nationwide as well as special guest Jenni Shafer who wrote Life Without Ed & Goodbye Ed Hello Me, two books which have been great resources for my own recovery.  We were also asked to write the reason we were walking and wear it as we took our stroll through the park.

The event was quite successful.  This was Dallas' first ever walk and in comparison to other walks that have started up over the years the Dallas walk of 2012 was a top First-Time Earner with close to $35,000!  Team Eden contributed to about $1,300 of that amount!

A BIG THANKS to all who supported Team Eden & NEDA as well as all of those who have supported me over the many years I've battled this ugly eating disorder.

Long time no see

Well hello there... I know that it has been quite some time since I last wrote.  Needless to say a lot has happened in the time in between-- both good and not so good.  All I know for sure in the chaos of life over the past year or so God has been faithful through the ups and downs of it all.  Let me give you a brief overview of what all has gone on and in the coming days and weeks I hope to give a more in depth look at different significant events and milestones of 2011 and parts of 2012 we have experienced.

The last time I wrote I had written out a list of goals for the year 2011.  Regretfully I struggled a lot with meeting many of them.  The hope to be more gentle with myself, laugh more and honor my desires & intuition was quickly overshadowed by old ways and habits of my eating disorder....

I continued taking my final classes at UNT in the spring while also working at the University.  I got news not long after I last posted that I was short a couple hours in order to graduate in May therefore would have to make up that time in the summer semesters and wait to graduate in August.   I went ahead and resigned from my job at the University in May and took a Maymester so that I could still have somewhat of a summer.

For my birthday, Mom and Dad's anniversary and a belated birthday present for Connor we went to Maui... Our first time in Hawaii (and it won't be our last)!!!

Throughout the summer my job was job hunting for my first full time job as a college graduate.  I spent countless amounts of time and energy applying for, preparing for and interviewing with various potential places of employment.  In July I was hired at Sunrise Senior Living in Frisco to work as a Care Manager with the senior in the Independent Living Neighborhood called the Terrace Club.  My job consisted of assisting in the day to day needs and care of the residents as well as planning and executing daily activities to prolong and enhance the aging process.   
 

In August I walked across the stage receiving a degree with a Bachelor's in Psychology. 

I also got to be a part of one of my best friend's wedding.

Over this entire time my eating disorder was becoming more and more of a problem... a problem which I chose to ignore.  I was doing very little laughing, much less living for anything other than to practice my eating disorder and in the months leading up to December ed was spilling into every aspect of my life.  Before I knew it I was at death's door, scared I was going to die, but too far into the grips of ED to make choices to dig out of the hole I had created for myself.

I ended up deciding to resign from my job and I checked myself into the hospital.  I thought I would use the insurance I had left for the year as a boost to get me headed back in the right direction with my food....  Little did I know, God had much different plans and I would end up staying there almost 3 months.

This leads us up to where things are now...The first part of March I left the hospital in a much better place physically and emotionally than I came in at.  I decided to move back to Tyler and live with my parents for a stint of time until I can fully get back on my feet -- luckily my parents and Rootbeer (our dog) graciously accepted me.

In the here and now my job is recovery and taking care of me-- enjoying the little things in life so that I can one day experience the dreams I have deep in my heart.  Although 2011 didn't pan out exactly as I had hoped, as I said in the beginning, God has been faithful through it all. 

"For the mountains may move and the hills disappear, but even then my faithful love for you will remain. My covenant of blessing will never be broken," says the LORD, who has mercy on you."   -Isaiah 54:10

Where Im goin'....

The first part of January I wrote out Goals for 2011 and mentioned creating a vision board.  Well, I finally finished my vision board(s) so I would like to share them and show you what is motivating me to push past struggles and discomfort so that I might obtain the desires of my heart.  

But first, let's revisit the goals I set-- in an non-condemning way-- celebrate the victories and embrace those areas that need work.

Let's do areas of struggle first: 

"But we also glory in our sufferings,  because we know that suffering produces perseverance;  perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." --Romans 5:3-5

Daily:

*Be more gentle with myself -I'm always needing to work on this; I need to be more gracious towards myself.

*Laugh more- I have been embracing this, but I put it down because I definitely think you can never laugh too much! 

*Allow my inner desires, wants and intuition... the Holy Spirit, to shape the choices I make throughout each day & Work on balance, variety & moderation in every aspect of my life- These two areas I definitely need to work on MOST! Fear sets in and I often find myself going 'safe' rather than honoring my true self and most importantly the Lord.  I know the Lord desires for me to enjoy every aspect of life, but it's ultimately my choice whether or not I embrace the freedom he has given me.

Weekly: 

*Eat out 1-2x a week- I have eaten out a couple times since I posted goals earlier in the month, but not weekly.  I know this is an important part of moving forward and stepping out of my comfort zone to experience greater freedom. 

*Work on a few exercises from Beautiful You: A Daily Guide to Radical Self-Acceptance -I'm going to revise this weekly goal to just working on exercises when I feel led and the extra time... Love the book, just don't want to set an expectation :)

*Treat myself to dessert- This kind of goes along with suppressing those inner desires to enjoy yummy things... I have done this a couple times, maybe, I know once for sure, but I really need to do this AT LEAST once a week!

Things I want to work on incorporating throughout the new year:

*Read more

*Face some fear foods

*Love & accept myself as a person & my body as God's temple-- This is continual regardless of where I am physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Now onto the VICTORIES....  

"For whatever is born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world— our faith. Who is he who overcomes the world, but he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?" 1 John 5:3-5

Daily

*Be consistent with my vitamins

*Set aside quiet time for each day- and the Lord is speaking to my heart!

*Drink more water- definitely progress, but still needs work  

Weekly

*Hang out with a friend at least once a week

*Pamper myself- this comes pretty easy most the time!

*Journal 

*Laugh more

Monthly
*Attend Recovery at The Village Church- It's great to be back at Recovery!
*Meet with support system- The Lord orchestrated perfectly a Biblical Counselor who practices similar to what I was taught at Mercy, a Dietitian who is a believer and helps to empower me, and a mentor that is walking in freedom and willing to walk freedom out with me!

For the Year & What's to Come:

*Start searching/interviewing for a job- I never realized job searching took so much work.  Praise the Lord he has worked it out for to to take a class to help me along the way! Praying and believing God has his hand on the perfect position for me.  Will you join?

*Attend Passion 2011- Ticket Bought! 
*Graduate from University of North Texas- May 14, 2011
*Hawaii with my family- Date set & plane tickets bought! June 28, 2011

And now, what we have all been waiting for, the long awaited Vision Board of Meagan Nicole Vrba for 2011 and my Personal Mission statement,  Drum-roll please.... 

"To cultivate and embrace the freedom I've been given through Christ so that I may live a life that brings Him glory & praise."

First comes faith, then comes marriage, then comes a baby (or 2) in a baby-carriage!

Continued freedom, traveling, peace, a baby, exercise, joy, a dog, and a glowing happiness

Full Life: family, dancing, new car, no debt, enjoyment of all food w/o fear, health & balance...

My Big Dream... more to come in the near future, Lord willing!

There we have it!  A review of the month and what's in store for the future....

"Now faith is the assurance of things we hope for, the certainty of things we cannot see."  --Hebrews 11:1

"God you made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before you (let go)... The good people taste your goodness, the whole people taste your health and the true people taste      your truth." -Psalm 18

 

A lil reminder...

Just wanted to remind everyone about the First Annual Love Life Raffle I wrote about several days ago HERE :)

Even if you are not interested in the Raffle itself 

we are taking donations!  

If you feel led to give or want win this amazing prize to  

Keipersol Restaurant, Bed & Breakfast in the heart of East Texas 

please contact me.

God Bless!

An Uneven Trade

First of all, can I just tell you that the Lord truly amazes me when I least expected!  He turned something that could have been really destructive into something good because, I chose to do what was right rather than what I wanted.  See, when I registered for classes for the Spring semester I needed 13 hours to graduate.  When I looked at my options I could take an easy, lower-level, 3 hour course to add to my 12 hours, take a science with a lab (no thank you), or take a Physical Education class.  What did I do?  I went for the Phys-Ed class, despite the fact that it was right during lunch time and despite the Lord telling me otherwise, what was I thinking??  So, I was all registered before Christmas and when I came back to work in January before the semester started we had a call in the department I work for (I work on campus in the College of Business Marketing Department) about a one hour class being offered called "Personal and Professional Development..."  This got me thinking about the stupid choice I had made to take a PE class when I knew I wasn't in a place physically or emotionally to do this.  I saw this guy calling about this particular, one hour class as a total God thing!  Now the ball was in my court... would I choose obedience by taking advantage of this opportunity that he has practically thrown in my face or would I choose to satisfy my flesh and feed into my eating disorder through Physical-ED (hahaa, get it, physical eating disorder= exercise)?

After much wrestling with my flesh and the Lord I chose..... obedience!  My flesh definitely tried to get me to change my mind and had me rationalizing my first decision to take the Physical-ED class, but deep down I knew I was doing the right thing by switching the classes.  The Lord has confirmed the fact that I made the right decision as I have walked through the first couple of weeks of my last semester of undergrad (yes my LAST).  My first day of classes I remember by my second class of the day there would be no way I could have handled a P.E. class after classes all morning and without having a break to nourish my body, much less do this all semester-- NO POSSIBLE WAY!  Then, as I have gone to the class I traded the PE class with, God has been faithful in allowing this to be exactly what I need at this time in my life!  Very resourceful for planning for my future at both personal and professional levels (another plus is it only meets once a week for 50 minutes and it's not too stressful).   So I was given the opportunity to trade in a choice that would have caused further destruction in my life for something beyond compare.  I know that might seem silly- your thinking its, just a class, but to me this is some much more than just a class- it was a choice toward life and my future.  What an uneven trade! Praise God, from which all good things flow!!!!!!!

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." --Genesis 50:20

"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. " --Romans 8:28

Words

Words are just words, it's our actions that speak.

Currently I am praying these words over every aspect of my life, practicing walking them out even when it doesn't feel good and believing my obedience will bring freedom far beyond anything I can imagine.

• Courageous
• Confident in Christ
• Committed
• Consistent

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all."